Today, Afford Nothing Day, I am not able to afford any of the various flat-screen TVs on offer at Walmart. This is okay with me because I still don't know what the hell the difference is between flat and curvy-screened TVs, vis-a-vis overall TV watching satisfaction. I grew up with a very old TV that required an actual human being to get up and manually change the channel (choices: ABC. NBC. CBS, USA, WTBS [that's right, I'm old enough to remember the W], and WGN, plus the Catholic channel where you could watch the world's least entertaining talk show, Mother Angelica LIVE). On this decrepit, low-def device, I watched some of the classics, works that have shaped my life, moments in history that changed who I am today. For example:
- Red Dawn
- That time on All My Children when Erica married someone or got amnesia or stabbed a dude (I skipped a lot of school)
- The magnificent mane of Fawn Hall
- Purple Rain (don't tell my parents, I was babysitting!!!!1!!)
- The "Mr. Roboto" video that scared the hell out of me (who is this Kilroy, and is he hiding in the house right now?!)
- Dance Party USA (lip-synching was a skill we really valued in the 80s for some reason; see also Puttin' on the Hits)
So the point is, what is it about TV set technology that makes people think that a fancier TV means something? It's still a bunch of boring baloney anyway.
I don't even want your stupid flat-screen TVs, Walmart! I'm making one out of a potato and some wires out of an old Teddy Ruxpin, so shut up!